Dark Thoughts

Post Jackson/Wicked/birthday crash I guess...been kinda down and dark today...:(

Its only temporary I keep telling myself.

I hope it is.

Do people who "go crazy" feel themselves doing so? Do they know theyre slowly losing their mind? Do they slowly lose their mind...or do they just snap and are gone forever? Yeah, I read that article that said schizophrenics lose the "somethings wrong here" warning bells. Still skeptical.

Asked roomie if he ever considered me his "girlfriend" back when we were driving 6 hours to see each other, before I moved here, before I moved to St Louis even. While he didnt answer me...he did ask me some questions as to why I wanted/ needed to know...which got me to talk more about it and eased the pain some. I asked because I had been thinking back on all my past relationships..and realized...no one had ever called me their girlfriend. I was their "friend", the "girl whos living with me", their "submissive but only for a few months", or their "fuck buddy". Never "girlfriend, fiance, significant other" or anything similar.

Thinking of going back on the St John's or maybe trying Kava. I shall see...just ended my period a couple days ago too..so some hormones could be playing a part also.

Not quite ready for the straitjacket...yet...