Now I understand, Grandma

Back in 1998, my niece who was...15 at the time, and I drove up to NY State to visit our relatives up there. We had fun on the way and most of the time there.

We stayed for 10 days...and stayed with my...80 something year old grandma, my moms mother. She was the ultimate grandmother, as far as cooking and baking and wisdom and such. My other grandma gave wisdom and money.

One day my niece and grandma had words while out in grandmas garden...I don't recall what it was about..but seem to remember it was that grandma had asked Shannon to do something that "all the other cousins did when they were growing up" and well, my niece being herself..didnt want to do it and told her so..and grandma couldnt handle a child telling her no. So, feelings were hurt, and well..I guess in hindsight we should have left that day..but we stayed another 2 days I believe. We had plans to go up to the Thousand Islands the next day and I didnt want to miss that.Yeah, in hindsight, not the best plan.

Anyways, we left on Sunday..after church, because again, I had something I didnt want to miss...church where my second grade teacher was, who still remembers me and always asks about me. We were getting ready to go, and I noticed grandma wasnt getting ready. I asked her if she was going to church with us. She said something to the effect of "Youre not leaving YET?" I decided to drive to church and leave right after. My aunt came over and talked with grandma, and then me..and explained that grandma was old (duh) and was feeling stressed and tired from our visit. We had a good talk, my aunt and I...I was still upset with grandma about the fight with my niece, so didnt talk to her (wish I had now) and well, I got my feelings hurt when she said "Youre not leaving YET?"

Well, tonight...my kitchen shrunk and when there were 4 of us trying to get supper on the table and what I did they undid or changed...I had to excuse myself and go upstairs and do some deep breathing. Or someone was gonna get hurt. LOL

Since Tuesday, I have been home pretty much all day, with an hour or 2 here and there of being gone. Roomies parents have been here with him after his surgery.There are very VERY sweet people...but they are people. 2 more people and a hyper dog who doesnt know manners than are usually in my house.Theyve been here since 2 weeks ago Saturday, but with his surgery, and I spent some time at the hospital with him and being gone doing pet sitting..I hadnt been around them much till Tuesday.

So, apparently, 3 days of 24/7 is all I can handle.

I started to think on this..and got depressed, thinking Im gonna end up a crazy cat lady because I cant stand to be around people for more than 3 days, and so well, I cant possibly ever stand to have a husband or a live-in lover with that attitude, so Im doomed to a life of loneliness because of my intolerance.

Yes, that is what my thoughts snowballed into.

But, after awhile, the rational side of my brain (thank goodness its there and is learning to speak up, or Im learning to listen to it) spoke up and said "Um, no, that is not right."

What has happened is, I havent done yoga, napped, or much to have down time or alone time. Either I was too busy to, or wanted to be with them. Yes, I wanted to spend time with them yesterday and tonight Im ready to drive them across the state line to get them out of my house. LOL

So..I am not doomed to a life of solitary confinement. I simply need to take better care of me, and allow for, and request some alone time, some down time...time for just *me*


Now I see where Grandma was coming from. I glanced up and whispered "Now I understand" awhile ago.

:)