Things Im thankful for...

Sunday mornings
Yoga
Archer Pose
Svasana (Corpse pose)
Digital music on my cable service
Dogs
Cats
Birds
Friends
Coffee
Chocolate
Reiki
Health food stores
Healthy foods
Water
Rain
Veggies growing in pots in my backyard
Eggs
Sunshine
comfy bed
comfy couch
soft blankets to wrap up in when scared by a thunderstorm
Weather Channel
Electricity
My jobs
Hard work
Relaxation
The Internet
Laughter
Sweetpea
Annabelle and Beau
Georgie
Flutie
Baxter
Bear
Tigers
Dolphins
Horses
Food
Eyesight
Hearing

The list continues...

How it should have gone...

I place my plate and bowl on the scale...he rings it up...says its $15 please. I ask, is that including the weight of the plate and bowl? Oops, yes youre right, I did that wrong. Its only $7.

Or...

Its $15, ma'am. How much? Um, can I get the plastic plate and compare the price? I do so, its less...he apologizes and I accept...and feel good because I spoke up...calmly...and got a problem resolved.

Instead...I said nothing and have beaten myself mercilessly ever since.

Costly lesson indeed.... but one learned.

Promise to myself

6 months from now...I will be doing Shoulderstand.


Last night in Kundalini class we did Shoulderstand. *I* did not do it..as #1-Im chicken shit...#2- I do not have the upper body strength and flexibility needed to do this safely and properly and #3- My back and shoulders were very very tight and tense and sore.

So I did a modification of it, basically just lying on my back with my legs up in the air pointing my toes down as far as they would go.

Tonight I was doing this same pose, as it does feel quite good on your lower back...and teared up...remembering the shoulderstand in class..and how some part of me longs to do it.

So...I have made a promise to myself. That by December 20th...6 months from now...I will be doing, or have done a Shoulderstand.

Next comes learning how to prep for it...what poses should I be doing to strengthen and build flexibility in my back and shoulders.

Definitely going to talk to Louise..and maybe Marlysa too- the yoga instructor I started out with.

I want to do it...but want to do it safely.

I mean...I will be putting all my weight on my shoulders and neck.

This ain't child's play.

Ahhhhhh...much better..:)

(Ooops..hit enter instead of tab...lol..yep..I need that nap- but gotta blog about this first!)

Last night I got home around 6 pm. I had planned to go to a new Yoga meetup at the Self Discovery Center. I was tired, cranky and frustrated...and also not sure if I could find a way to go, since roomie is now being more assertive about my use of his van. It *is* his van...his right. We had had a little blow out about it earlier in the day...and while cleaning Id wrestled the brat into submission and decided thjat I had been a bit unfair to just assume hed let me use the van...because he really hasnt pushed it much. But now hes starting to.

Anyways...I get home and he has decided to not go to his meetup (he sprung it on me at the last minute, thats why we had the blowup- Id been planning the yoga class for a week) I had decided I prolly wasnt up to going..after getting up at 4:30..doing 2 morning pet visits, cleaning a house and then another one..I was tired.And cranky and just wanted to go to bed.And I was still upset about the blowup.

So, I ate a sandwich and decided to take a bath in Epsom salts and then decide for certain if I was going.

After the bath, I felt about 80% better...so I got my yoga clothes on and my mat rolled up..and off I went.

Traffic was NO problem...rare occurrence..but I wasnt complaining...lol. Made it there about 5 minutes before it was to start...they were just finishing up the previous meeting, so that wasnt a problem. :) Met the teacher, Louise, shes just one of those people that lights up whatever room theyre in. Got my mat unrolled and met a plus size woman named Judy, shed taken a place in the back because she had a skirt on (shed been to the previous meetup- a chakra meditation session), I had chosen the spot because it was cooler there. Judy and I connected..we didnt say much other than when we were doing the yoga, to comment about a couple poses, but I felt it. :) Not a sexual thing..but friendship...lol.

The class was on Kundalini yoga...a type of yoga that uses chanting, breathwork and poses to help the energy in the body flow freely. I had never done it before....but I will definitely do it again. I was hooked from the lower spine roll...omg..it felt so good...lol. Basically its sitting crosslegged and moving your body around in a circle...loosening up your lower back..and opening up the root chakra at the base of your spine.

The chanting was the hardest part for me...because I cant stand to hear my own voice (hmmm...Im sure thats why I have trouble expressing myself...or its related somehow...;) ) We were given a couple mantras to say, in unison..and with the other voices, I couldnt hear my voice as well..so it was a bit easier.

We did some breathing...Fire Breath...basically loud forceful panting...lol...sounds weird...and its a bit hard to master and not hyperventilate and get dizzy. LOL. I know with practice I will get better at it tho. :)

We did a couple challenging poses...Bow pose- on your stomach hands on feet...like youre in a hogtie without the rope...lol. I couldnt reach my feet so used a strap...it does feel good...but if you have back problems, its not good..I could only do it for a few seconds. We also did Camel Pose...similar to Bow but youre kneeling. Again, I couldnt get back very far...but it too feels good.

But..my favorite pose we did was Archer pose. Those of you who know me...and maybe if you read my blog youve figured out...Im not the most self confident person. LOL. So...doing a pose that speaks to my inner warrior princess, and makes me feel confident, strong and capable...well...thats why its my new fave. Basically youre standing with one leg bent- knee over ankle, the other leg is straight and strong...and youre holding your arms like youre shooting an arrow. I read about this pose this morning..and it said it brings out your confidence and power, helps with self esteem...strengthens your legs and shoulders.

These are all things I need...my body needs. My mind needs. :) Was telling a friend this morning that it seems my mind and body know what they need...and somehow, when I listen to them..I find those things that strengthen and nourish me. :)


I have felt so much better today...only been cranky once...lol.

So glad I went to that class.

Green thingys

I have lots and lots of green thingys coming up in my pots.

Cucumbers were first, and OMG...they are growing like crazzyy! Lettuce was next- teeny tiny leaves all over...for a teeny tiny salad...lol.

Then the basil...and the peas are sprouting too.

Hasn't even been a week!

Weve had lots of sun..a little rain...and Ive been watering them twice a day except on the days it rained.

And telling them to grow grow GROW!

Looks like theyre listening...;)

Feel like a kid...fascinating that something *I* planted is actually growing and thriving.

Amazing stuff....:)

The seeds are planted...

Well,some of them anyways.,..lol.

I am talking about my very own garden...planted by ME (and roomies sister helped some too)

I finally got to Wal Mart yesterday and bought the potting soil (bought too much of course, but I do have more to plant still-so maybe it isnt that bad lol )and a couple more containers and some plastic things to label what was what.

This morning I went out after doing my morning pet sitting gigs...and put the dirt in the pots...then roomies sister came out and we put the seeds in.

We planted...cucumbers, lettuce- 3 long containers of it! Whoo-hoo- salads and more salads!! sweet basil and peas. I am going to get some tomato plants and bigger pots for them and they will go in next.

In a couple months...we will have our own farmers market!

I cannot wait to start harvesting these veggies!!

I guess I have to though...lol.

I dreamed something...and made it happen. :)

And yesterday...I realized that I was NO LONGER "the girl who cant save money" I have a few hundred saved toward my car...plus my bills are paid...*and* I bought stuff for my garden....I CAN AND HAVE SAVED MONEY. *grins*

The negative faeries fired back with "yes, but you have spent $200 of your money"

*I* fired back with "yes, the gas for the van will get me to my jobs so I can earn more money...the garden stuff was to grow veggies to save money on groceries and also eat healthier...and the groceries I bought were to feed me and others. So, what youre saying is true...but it isnt a bad thing that I have spent money. I have spent it on worthy things."

*smiles*

Family Affair - My turn now... : )

I got a surprise call this morning from my cousin Kathy from Missouri. She and her husband were on their way to near Savannah to see an aunt of hers and other relatives there, and wanted to know if they could meet me somewhere.

Wow...it was awesome to hear that...a family member of *mine* wanted to see me...to SEE me...and they were happy about it. LOL

My cousin Kathy and I reconnected last summer when I went to Mizzoorah...we share alot of the same problems and views on life. We also share a mutual dislike of my dad...they are too much alike..as he and I are too...lol.

So I told my cousin which exit I lived off of and she said shed call when they got there, and we could meet nearby at a Waffle House (of course. If you know anything about Atlanta youll know theres a Waffle House on just about every corner here )

So she called and we met there, I drank some caffeinated sweet tea -whoo- prolly gonna pay for that later...lol- roomie and I drink decaf iced tea with very little if any sugar- while they had a waffle and an egg and bacon sandwich. (I realized then Ive never had a waffle at Waffle House...lol- I always get eggs grits and toast if we eat there-which we dont do alot )

Then I invited them to my house-which was about 1/2 a mile from this Waffle House. They followed me, I showed them the house- she took a magnolia blossom off the neighbors tree...if youve ever smelled a magnolia blossom..youll know why she did it. They are amazing...and are HUGE this year. My cousin used to live near Rome, Georgia so she still has alot of memories here. She also has memories of her grandparents and great grand mother from Glenville and Albany I believe. So, Georgia is her second home. :)

We visited awhile and then her husband started to get a bit impatient to get going -he doesnt like driving near big cities- hes from Tipton, actually rural Tipton..so hes used to dirt roads and 2 lane highways-not 6 lanes of traffic going 80 mph. LOL

So, we said our goodbyes and gave hugs...I told her it meant alot to me to have them stop by. 2 years ago my parents came to Georgia...and even though they said theyd call me...they didnt until they were on their way back home, after Dad "hurt his back and they had to go home early". It hurt alot to have them be so close and not call not even stop by...not even *want* to stop by (seemingly)

So...okay...I do still have a family that loves me...and shows it.

:)

It's a Family Affair...

family (fm-l, fml) KEY

NOUN:
pl. families

A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.

Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

All the members of a household under one roof.

A group of persons sharing common ancestry. See Usage Note at collective noun.

Lineage, especially distinguished lineage.

A locally independent organized crime unit, as of the Cosa Nostra.

A group of like things; a class.

A group of individuals derived from a common stock: the family of human beings.

Biology A taxonomic category of related organisms ranking below an order and above a genus. A family usually consists of several genera. See Table at taxonomy.

Linguistics A group of languages descended from the same parent language, such as the Indo-European language family.

Mathematics A set of functions or surfaces that can be generated by varying the parameters of a general equation.

Chemistry A group of elements with similar chemical properties.

Chemistry A vertical column in the periodic table of elements.

ADJECTIVE:

Of or having to do with a family: family problems.
Being suitable for a family: family movies.

ETYMOLOGY:
Middle English familie, from Latin familia, household, servants of a household, from famulus, servant

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never realized how many definitions there are for "family"

Roomie has a family wedding this weekend, and some of his relatives are staying here at our house. His parents, his sister and her kids.A few of his other relatives are staying nearby so theyve been in and out since Thursday.

At times I have found myself a bit jealous of their interactions...inside family jokes and all the camaraderie that big families have.

I remember times when my family gathered, cousins, aunts uncles, grandparents...and we had the same thing. It has been many years since I was a part of those gatherings...either because of finances or feeling like I wasnt really wanted around.

Growing up, after we moved to Missouri anyways, my dad always said my moms side of the family didnt like him and treated us differently because wed moved, and that theyd never approved of him as a husband for mom..etc. We would go to New York and sometimes things would be said...or some slight would be felt..and Dad would go off..and go hide in a room or drive off for awhile...or whatever. But I was never made to feel as if I wasnt one of the bunch.

In 1998 my niece and I drove to New York to visit my aunt and uncle and cousins and we stayed with my grandma (moms mother)We stayed for 10 days, and at first it was great...but then grandma and my niece had a fight...I cant recall what it was about, I know my grandma made a comment that my niece was so unlike my other cousins, didnt want to do things they used to do...My niece came to me after the fight and said some mean things about grandma...mostly the same stuff my dad used to say.It happened the day before we were to leave to come back home...and in hindsight we probably should have just left early. Grandma ended up spending the rest of the day avoiding my niece, and I tried to be a diplomat, with no results.The next morning, we planned to leave after church./..I wanted to go because my 2nd grade teacher was going to be there....she still remembered me (still does and she must be at least 80 something)and I always had to see her when in NY. Anyways the next morning we were getting ready for church and grandma said "Youre not leaving yet?" And seemed very upset when I said no, were leaving after church. She ended up staying home from church because she was so upset.

As those who read my other blog will know..I still regret not having resolved this conflict with grandma. She passed away last December.I still dont know where I stand with my aunt..or my cousins. Does it really matter? Welll...in some ways, yes. Should it matter? No, probably not.

I have long worried about what people really truly think of me. Its just insecurity...I know...and I read a quote...from some yogi somewhere... "What people think of me is none of my business."

But when youve been told by people who say they love you...that you are worthless and stoopid and will never amount to anything...well..you begin to doubt every word that anyone has ever told you in your life.

So..you wonder...did they really love me...

As some of you may know...I am adopted. I cant help but wonder how things might have been if Id been picked by a different family...or if my birth mother had kept me.

I do like a couple of the definitions above:

Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

All the members of a household under one roof.

So, by the second definition...I have a great family. Roomie, Sweetpea and I.

Trying not to feel jealous of my roomie and his family...to remember the good times I have had with mine...and to hope that in the future I can find another family...who loves me as I am.

I know I have one..or sort of one..with all my online and real life friends in St Louis and elsewhere.

So...thanks for being my family.

Hugggsssss

What **was** my problem??

Last week, and this weekend..I was all "OMG...my life is horrible Im so busy and stressed and dont you dare ask me to do one more thing or pet sitting appointment" and blah blah blah...all resistance..no openess...

The other day....I felt an opening...and I wish I could figure out what changed in my head and heart....because Im looking at my schedule..and all I did..and all I have to do...and reality is...it isnt *that* full...it isnt that difficult...and Im earning good money.

No..I didnt get to go to Key West...and I ahve to skip the meetup this week and maybe next...

But Im gonna get a new car (used- new to me)and have money to put down..and pay my rent...and buy groceries..and even buy what I need for my garden...

So why did I have to be so obstinate and bratty and close minded last week??

Its gonna all work out.

I need to let it work out...instead of fighting so much.

Wishing I knew why...but feeling like its all gonna be okay.

Maybe it was the heat...or hormones...or self pity..or a mix of all of the above.

Alll I know is..I have hope now...

And I cant wait to get that car...and to plant the seeds I found 10 for $1...in the pots I got for free and the ones Im gonna buy at Wal Mart because theyre on sale.

Its gonna all work out. :)