Is this the definition of insanity??

Or do I just need to get laid.

There's a saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I guess by that definition...having sex with my roomie *would* be insane.

*sighs*

I am just so friggin' horny.

And I dont do casual sex. I cant go to a bar or somewhere and pick up someone for the sole purpose of fucking his brains out...or having mine fucked out.

I have taken matters into my own hands...and yeah, its good...for awhile. But then I run out of batteries or my hand gets tired...lol.

It isnt the same though...and I want more. I need more. I need that connection with someone else...to feel skin against my skin...to have my nipples sucked..to feel him inside me...to feel his weight on me...against me...

*sighs*

But...I know that when we've gone there before...it brings up memories of how it used to be with us. And I cant have that again...we can't go back there. To being lovers. To me wanting more from our relationship than friends with benefits. To him saying "No, I can't be more to you than that."

I want more from a relationship than that. I want it all...to be friends and lovers..to go somewhere on a Saturday and spend all day together having fun...then come home and spend all night together...to *be* together...not just be friends here...lovers here...but no commitment...nothing more...

I want more. I DESERVE more.

And to get more....I have to wait.

Until I am ready...to have sex with someone who respects me...who doesnt want just sex...but rather the whole pie.

Sex, love, commitment, togetherness.

I read this weekend that if these four- Head, Heart, Gut and Groin do not all agree...even if just one is saying no...it is best to not do whatever you want to do.

I am going to write that down and put it up where I will see it every day. Till my libido goes back under its shell.

Hope its soon.

Cause my groin is saying GO FOR IT! But my heart is saying no...not again, please.