I had a pretty good time with me tonight.
The roomie texted me at 2 or so today that he "may have company tonight". Meaning, hes gonna get laid.
Arrrggg...old jealous green eyed monster popped up..as well as the "I dont have any friggin' money to be going out and entertaining myself while he fucks someone" as well as why cant the bitches host every once in awhile..and the ever popular, if he cooks for her, Im not doing the dishes.(I did them once, never again)
So, after cleaning the house instead of taking a nap (it was my turn to clean and yes, the nap was nothing but procrastination at work)I took a nice hot bath to relax a bit, after crying...realizing much of what I was upset about was jealousy...wondering why the hell I still have feelings for him...realizing that I had an Olive Garden gift card to use for supper...and realizing that no..I didnt *have* to leave the house, he didnt have a problem with me being there...its *me* who has the issues. Yeah, I know..big surprise, *I* have issues. I heard him and one of his girls one time having um...fun... downstairs. Made me horny..and raised up the old feelings and longings again. So, I decided that maybe itd be best if I left while he was entertaining.
He was gracious enough to lend me his AMC theater gift card so I could see a movie...turns out there arent any very close to me...at least 15 miles away...so I didnt use it.
What I did do was...dress up, in black dress slacks, a long sleeved knit top-purple black and white print, really cute (thank you C) my black dress shoes, makeup and perfume...go to Olive Garden where I enjoyed a glass of Riesling, my new love...but next time I will pick some up at Kroger on the way home...not a good idea (duh- DUI...helllooooo)ah well..I enjoyed sipping it with my meal of Cappellini Pomodoro (cappellini with roma tomatoes, garlic, onions and basil) which was yummy..but..it hit me that I make the same thing at home at least once a week..for a lot less..and mine tastes better. LOL Oh well.Had some salad and breadsticks too, of course. My niece called during my meal and we enjoyed a nice long chat.It was very relaxing and with the gift card didnt cost me much.(must get more gift cards...lol)
Then after finding out there were no closeby AMC theaters (I didnt have time to look it up online before leaving)I decided to go to Perimeter Mall to Macy's and look around because I had a $25 gift card I got last Xmas from one of my fave cleaning customers. I pull in and see "Parking $6 and $4" signs...then realize thats for valet and special parking. So, I parked in the free parking, which wasnt too far away. I went to the plus size section first (after asking where it was located *and* riding on an escalator (hate them!!)walked around...nothing grabbed my attention..did go to the clearance rack after wandering thru the bra section..um..nothing bigger than 42DDD??? (44C here)Maybe I missed it.
Anyways, found a couple cute shirts, tried them on...but they just didnt do it for me. Then I went up to the home section...looking for some bed linens...finding that I couldnt even afford the on sale pillow shams, and that apparently everyone has a queen size bed because there were hardly any queen sheets. So, I found a body pillow (have been wanting one) which I could afford...couldnt afford the cover too, but I can get one at Wal Mart for not too much, or Goodwill. I stood there holding it for a few minutes, trying to decide if I wanted to spend most of my gift card on it..finally deciding yes, I did, Ive been wanting one as I said..I usually sleep with a pillow between my knees as it helps my lower back and hips not hurt.So,I wandered over to the counter, and grabbed a bar of Godiva chocolate as a treat(which, really isnt that impressive, sorry)and...I had 60 cents left on my card. LOL.
Wandered back to the escalator (deep breaths...no, its not gonna catch your foot and drag you to your death, I promise- just breeeeaathhheee)and then out to the parking lot...where it only took me a couple minutes to find my car...lol. Early Alzheimers? Nahh...Ive had that problem for about 20 years now. Always have forgotten where I parked in places like that. I did recall Id parked in a row where I could see the entrance straight ahead and one row over...so that helped. Remembering the Maggianos carryout only signs too helped. Eh, guess I didnt do too bad then. :)
OK..its late...Im tired..got to make some phone calls in the morning Ive put off all week. Nothing bad, just me procrastinating.
Ive had that problem for almost 30 years...lol.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
To panic or not to panic..that is the question...
Yeah, I know...panicking will solve nothing.
Every day I pass more and more gas stations that are either totally out of gas, or are out of all but one type.
Some are just out of gas for one day, some 2...the most Ive seen any go is 2 1/2 days.
So, I guess the trick to not panicking, is to make sure I keep my tank as full as possible...at least 1/2 full, that will usually last me a few days, maybe a week if I dont have alot of jobs.
Also try to conserve as much as possible...which Ive been doing.
Inhale...exhale...panic solves nothing.
Panic solves nothing
Every day I pass more and more gas stations that are either totally out of gas, or are out of all but one type.
Some are just out of gas for one day, some 2...the most Ive seen any go is 2 1/2 days.
So, I guess the trick to not panicking, is to make sure I keep my tank as full as possible...at least 1/2 full, that will usually last me a few days, maybe a week if I dont have alot of jobs.
Also try to conserve as much as possible...which Ive been doing.
Inhale...exhale...panic solves nothing.
Panic solves nothing
Friday, September 19, 2008
Yes, I *am* alive...lol
Ive just either been busy, not in the mood to blog or too bored and restless to sit and type.
Or lazy...cant forget lazy. Work has slowed down a bit, I'm still on track to have the bills paid though, so its OK. But the last 2 weeks Ive had many days off..and I am finding I don't like to be idle for days at a time. I need/ like/ almost crave some sort of physical something to do, not necessarily cleaning, but just maybe having *something* to do. Keeps my mind and body busy.
Last week I was restless...I keep feeling like I want to do and see all these things...but lack whatever I need to get started towards doing them. Whether its courage, money, or not knowing how to make it happen...it just isn't happening.
Part of it is money...everything I want seems so out of reach, and yeah, I can save money..but by the time I get it saved, I will have lost interest or something else will come up that needs that money.
And mostly..its that I have all these things...going to the ocean, the mountains north of here, Hawaii, California, Tennessee, swimming with the dolphins...naked...lol..I have *ALL* these things I want to do...and I cant focus on just one. They just all seem out of reach..yeah, nice dreams but Ill never get there.
*sighs*
Maybe its just a mid life crisis.
LOL
Or lazy...cant forget lazy. Work has slowed down a bit, I'm still on track to have the bills paid though, so its OK. But the last 2 weeks Ive had many days off..and I am finding I don't like to be idle for days at a time. I need/ like/ almost crave some sort of physical something to do, not necessarily cleaning, but just maybe having *something* to do. Keeps my mind and body busy.
Last week I was restless...I keep feeling like I want to do and see all these things...but lack whatever I need to get started towards doing them. Whether its courage, money, or not knowing how to make it happen...it just isn't happening.
Part of it is money...everything I want seems so out of reach, and yeah, I can save money..but by the time I get it saved, I will have lost interest or something else will come up that needs that money.
And mostly..its that I have all these things...going to the ocean, the mountains north of here, Hawaii, California, Tennessee, swimming with the dolphins...naked...lol..I have *ALL* these things I want to do...and I cant focus on just one. They just all seem out of reach..yeah, nice dreams but Ill never get there.
*sighs*
Maybe its just a mid life crisis.
LOL
Friday, September 5, 2008
Mmmmmmmmm
Apparently...the girl can take herself out of kinky...but you cant take the kinky out of the girl.
*grins*
I was treated to a (mostly) gentle and (totally!) delicious flogging and spanking last night by a friend.
I was quite pleased to feel those old responses coming back...I was afraid my wiring had changed and that I wouldnt enjoy pain now.
But I did!
She used a nice soft suede flogger at first, starting out very gentle...then getting harder.Good rhythm...mmmm...stingy but not too much to process. Yummm...then of course, cause shes a mean bitch (LOL)she had to give me a few hard swings...and use the ends of the flogger tails, which were cut at a slant...making them VERY stingy...LOL. I relearned that "OW!!" is not a safeword...lol. She also used a leather slapper on my butt and upper back..which was wunnnnerrrfulllll. Yummmmmmmmmmm And a nice spanking...mmmm..much needed and well worth the wait!
Thank you, s. *grins*
Cant wait till Saturday night!!!
*grins*
I was treated to a (mostly) gentle and (totally!) delicious flogging and spanking last night by a friend.
I was quite pleased to feel those old responses coming back...I was afraid my wiring had changed and that I wouldnt enjoy pain now.
But I did!
She used a nice soft suede flogger at first, starting out very gentle...then getting harder.Good rhythm...mmmm...stingy but not too much to process. Yummm...then of course, cause shes a mean bitch (LOL)she had to give me a few hard swings...and use the ends of the flogger tails, which were cut at a slant...making them VERY stingy...LOL. I relearned that "OW!!" is not a safeword...lol. She also used a leather slapper on my butt and upper back..which was wunnnnerrrfulllll. Yummmmmmmmmmm And a nice spanking...mmmm..much needed and well worth the wait!
Thank you, s. *grins*
Cant wait till Saturday night!!!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Judgement vs opinion
Staying Open And Fluid
Judgment Versus Opinion
Most of us understand that when we judge someone, or someone judges us, it is a negative emotional experience. As a result, we naturally want to avoid being judgmental, but this gets confusing when we feel we have to suppress thoughts that could actually be offering us guidance. For example, we may meet someone new and suppress a negative feeling about them, thinking that we don’t want to fall into the trap of being judgmental. Later, though, it may turn out that paying attention to that thought could have helped us take care of ourselves or someone else.
It is important to learn to distinguish inner guidance, and having an opinion, from judgment, otherwise we run the risk of not listening to our intuition and not allowing ourselves to form opinions. Inner guidance and opinions both help us to interact more intelligently in the world, so we don’t want to throw them out in an effort to avoid being judgmental. Our intuition usually makes itself known to us in a flash, and often has a physical component—a flutter in our stomachs, sweaty palms, or a chill. When we use this information to help us navigate a situation, we always benefit. Similarly, having an opinion about a person or an idea allows us to converse about it in a focused way with intention. Listening to our intuition and forming opinions are both positive outcomes of our ability to interpret the information that comes our way.
When we make a judgment, on the other hand, we attempt to have a final say on whether someone or something is inherently good or bad. Judgments close us down instead of opening us up; opinions have a lighter quality and are amenable to change. Once a judgment has been made, there is no more conversation or consideration, whereas opinions invite further debate. Intuition guides us from moment to moment, but, unlike judgment, never makes a final decree. In other words, it is only healthy to be open to the information we receive and to allow ourselves to process that information. As long as we stay open and fluid, we can trust that we have not fallen prey to the trap of judgment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This was in my inbox this morning...and I will do my best to keep it in mind this weekend.
I am attending my first play party since FLOG last summer this weekend. I am going to be playing also (as of right now thats in the plans...lol) Yes, the man I will be playing with knows Im back to beginner status, and he has many years of experience and is well known and respected around BDSM circles nationwide.No,Im not naming names. I am in good hands, thats all you need to know. :P
I am worried that I will be listening to the language and feel the need to express my very strong opinions..which border on judgement at times. BDSM is not healthy...for ME. Those submissives who choose to give up power and do all those things for their Doms...they CHOOSE that. Just as I chose to take some time away from BDSM. Just as I have chosen to not attend munches and such. Just as I have made the choice to NOT submit. If I want them to respect my choices and opinions, I must respect *their* opinions and choices.
I will still bring that clothespin for my tongue, I think. ;)
Judgment Versus Opinion
Most of us understand that when we judge someone, or someone judges us, it is a negative emotional experience. As a result, we naturally want to avoid being judgmental, but this gets confusing when we feel we have to suppress thoughts that could actually be offering us guidance. For example, we may meet someone new and suppress a negative feeling about them, thinking that we don’t want to fall into the trap of being judgmental. Later, though, it may turn out that paying attention to that thought could have helped us take care of ourselves or someone else.
It is important to learn to distinguish inner guidance, and having an opinion, from judgment, otherwise we run the risk of not listening to our intuition and not allowing ourselves to form opinions. Inner guidance and opinions both help us to interact more intelligently in the world, so we don’t want to throw them out in an effort to avoid being judgmental. Our intuition usually makes itself known to us in a flash, and often has a physical component—a flutter in our stomachs, sweaty palms, or a chill. When we use this information to help us navigate a situation, we always benefit. Similarly, having an opinion about a person or an idea allows us to converse about it in a focused way with intention. Listening to our intuition and forming opinions are both positive outcomes of our ability to interpret the information that comes our way.
When we make a judgment, on the other hand, we attempt to have a final say on whether someone or something is inherently good or bad. Judgments close us down instead of opening us up; opinions have a lighter quality and are amenable to change. Once a judgment has been made, there is no more conversation or consideration, whereas opinions invite further debate. Intuition guides us from moment to moment, but, unlike judgment, never makes a final decree. In other words, it is only healthy to be open to the information we receive and to allow ourselves to process that information. As long as we stay open and fluid, we can trust that we have not fallen prey to the trap of judgment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This was in my inbox this morning...and I will do my best to keep it in mind this weekend.
I am attending my first play party since FLOG last summer this weekend. I am going to be playing also (as of right now thats in the plans...lol) Yes, the man I will be playing with knows Im back to beginner status, and he has many years of experience and is well known and respected around BDSM circles nationwide.No,Im not naming names. I am in good hands, thats all you need to know. :P
I am worried that I will be listening to the language and feel the need to express my very strong opinions..which border on judgement at times. BDSM is not healthy...for ME. Those submissives who choose to give up power and do all those things for their Doms...they CHOOSE that. Just as I chose to take some time away from BDSM. Just as I have chosen to not attend munches and such. Just as I have made the choice to NOT submit. If I want them to respect my choices and opinions, I must respect *their* opinions and choices.
I will still bring that clothespin for my tongue, I think. ;)
The Old Man and the Hot Chick
No, no..its not an erotic story...sorry to disappoint. LOL
Im speaking of John McCain and Sarah Palin.
I stayed up till 11:30 last night watching the RNC. One lesson learned...do nto watch Rudy Guiliani and Mike Huckabee speeches before going to bed. Luckily for the TV I had nothing around me to throw at it while they were on. What a bunch of arrogant assholes...and Im reading this morning...they um..kinda fudged the facts they spoke of a little bit.
Im not sure that the Democrats didnt do the same in their speeches....but the Elephants seemed quite vicious last night.
On to Mrs. Palin.
At first, she sounded like a gushing schoolgirl...speaking of her hero John McCain (kept waiting for her to say "The man I love" after she said his name...lol) then it seemed she was rehashing her introductory speech from last week when she was picked as McCain's running mate.
Then she got better...sounding like a confident leader.
Then the jabs started.
Do women in positions of power...any power, CEO's, managers, Fem Doms, VP candidates *really* have to be bitches in order to play with the boys? Isnt that what sets us women apart from them? Our nurturing, compassionate warm ways? I personally believe that we can be assertive without being bitches.
And to the media. Please leave her daughter alone. Yes, I did smirk when hearing of her teen daughters "pro-life choice" at age 17. So much for those conservative values. ;) Im curious if she taught her daughter abstinence. Or if she even had "the talk" with her.
But goodness...the girl has enough to worry about being pregnant at age 17...let alone her mom and her whole family, including her (not so) innocent boyfriend who has been thrust into the national spotlight because he didnt use a condom apparently. Do conservatives not believe in condoms? Oh wait, thats right...people are only supposed to have sex if they are married, and ONLY with someone of the opposite sex.
I loved in Mike Huckabees speech where he was saying something to the effect of John McCain doesnt support same sex marriage. And then in his next sentence he said but he believes that every human life deserves a chance from the moment of conception. I yelled at the TV "As long as theyre not homosexual"
I must remember not to watch political programs before trying to go to bed.It raises my BP... and is not very conducive to sleepiness.
I had a weird dream related to Mrs Palin...I sitting in my house on my bed and a plane was flying over (we do live in a flight path for Peachtree- Dekalb Airport so its possible one really was flying over) the house was shaking...my bed was shaking...then all of a sudden I was *on* the plane...and it was crashing...or going to crash. And, the pilot was none other than Barracuda Palin herself. She was saying something over the loudspeaker...I couldnt understand it clearly over the sound of the engines. Then, as the ground starting coming up faster and faster...the engines cut off...and she said " Well, my husband and I will be ok, I have taken steps to assure his safety and mine. He will be fine, I will be fine. The only thing that is left to do...is to write off all the dead people. "
The plane started crashing and I woke up.
Yeah, no more political speeches before bed.
LOL
Im speaking of John McCain and Sarah Palin.
I stayed up till 11:30 last night watching the RNC. One lesson learned...do nto watch Rudy Guiliani and Mike Huckabee speeches before going to bed. Luckily for the TV I had nothing around me to throw at it while they were on. What a bunch of arrogant assholes...and Im reading this morning...they um..kinda fudged the facts they spoke of a little bit.
Im not sure that the Democrats didnt do the same in their speeches....but the Elephants seemed quite vicious last night.
On to Mrs. Palin.
At first, she sounded like a gushing schoolgirl...speaking of her hero John McCain (kept waiting for her to say "The man I love" after she said his name...lol) then it seemed she was rehashing her introductory speech from last week when she was picked as McCain's running mate.
Then she got better...sounding like a confident leader.
Then the jabs started.
Do women in positions of power...any power, CEO's, managers, Fem Doms, VP candidates *really* have to be bitches in order to play with the boys? Isnt that what sets us women apart from them? Our nurturing, compassionate warm ways? I personally believe that we can be assertive without being bitches.
And to the media. Please leave her daughter alone. Yes, I did smirk when hearing of her teen daughters "pro-life choice" at age 17. So much for those conservative values. ;) Im curious if she taught her daughter abstinence. Or if she even had "the talk" with her.
But goodness...the girl has enough to worry about being pregnant at age 17...let alone her mom and her whole family, including her (not so) innocent boyfriend who has been thrust into the national spotlight because he didnt use a condom apparently. Do conservatives not believe in condoms? Oh wait, thats right...people are only supposed to have sex if they are married, and ONLY with someone of the opposite sex.
I loved in Mike Huckabees speech where he was saying something to the effect of John McCain doesnt support same sex marriage. And then in his next sentence he said but he believes that every human life deserves a chance from the moment of conception. I yelled at the TV "As long as theyre not homosexual"
I must remember not to watch political programs before trying to go to bed.It raises my BP... and is not very conducive to sleepiness.
I had a weird dream related to Mrs Palin...I sitting in my house on my bed and a plane was flying over (we do live in a flight path for Peachtree- Dekalb Airport so its possible one really was flying over) the house was shaking...my bed was shaking...then all of a sudden I was *on* the plane...and it was crashing...or going to crash. And, the pilot was none other than Barracuda Palin herself. She was saying something over the loudspeaker...I couldnt understand it clearly over the sound of the engines. Then, as the ground starting coming up faster and faster...the engines cut off...and she said " Well, my husband and I will be ok, I have taken steps to assure his safety and mine. He will be fine, I will be fine. The only thing that is left to do...is to write off all the dead people. "
The plane started crashing and I woke up.
Yeah, no more political speeches before bed.
LOL
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