Or at least thats the idea.
In Patanjali's Yoga Sutra, there are 8 limbs of Yoga. Yamas (restraint- usually outward-how we behave in the world) and Niyamas (inner- relating to self, how we view the world) are the first two, and are the foundation for the Yogic life. I recall my teacher Yoganand telling us in YTT that they were not "Thou Shalt Not", they were more "If you follow these guidelines, your life will be easier. If you dont, you will have lots of suffering."
The Yamas are :
Ahimsa- non harming to self and others
Asteya- non-stealing
Satya- Truth- non lying
Brahmacharya- moderation- being mindful of how you spend your energy
Aparigraha- non grasping, non attachment
The Niyamas are:
Saucha- purity, cleanliness, of body and mind
Santosha- contentment
Tapas- discipline
Swadhyaya- self study, also study of scriptures
Ishvara-Pranidhana- Surrender to the Divine
Seems simple enough...
In YTT we were told to explore these ethical guidelines- to take one and spend a day, or a week studying this concept, how we apply it to our daily life, our practice, our relationships.
I sucked at this. As a matter of fact, if you read my journal from YTT, thats about all I wrote about the Yamas and Niyamas. How much I sucked at applying them in my daily life.
Recently while looking through my journal I decided that I had really short changed myself by spending all that time in self judgement. I hadnt learned a thing about practicing these guidelines. Basically, I hadnt done the assignment. I jokingly asked my teacher if he wanted my certificate back.
So, recalling what we did in YTT, I wrote each out on a piece of paper, folded it up and placed it in a bowl. Each day I would draw out one and spend the day exploring it, and seeing where I applied it, and where I could still use some work. I vowed to not be judgmental, to use this as a time of self discovery and growth, not another chance to beat myself into the ground.
The first day, I drew Swadhyaya. Self study- an appropriate word to begin with. That was the purpose of this exercise. To study myself, gain knowledge of myself. I spent the day studying...my reactions, my emotions, and how they felt in my body, this "hunger" I have felt recently that really isnt a hunger for food, but it manifests itself as such, and I have been eating more than usual. And gained more weight recently. I spent the day in the "Witness" just noticing myself. With compassion.
The next day I drew Brahmacharya- moderation- being mindful of how you spend your energy. Some say this means only celibacy, but I was taught by my teachers that it includes all energy, your money, food, how you spend your time as well as your sexual energy. This one was tougher. While I still held onto the Witness, I had lots of chalana- inner or emotional churning- around money.What I spent my money on,how much I spent. Also how I yelled at the traffic, and the stoplights, time spent on Facebook, mindlessly clicking and refreshing the page. I lapsed into judgment at times, at times, yelling at myself for not doing better. Yeah, lots of stuff here. At the end of the day though, there was less judgment, and more self discovery and knowledge about my patterns. And again, compassion. Recalling what Swami Kripalu says- "We are only required to practice yama and niyama to the best of our capacity." *This* was my capacity for practicing Brahmacharya at this time in my life.
Next up was Ahimsa- non- harming to self and others. Again...and at times, surprisingly...there was compassion for myself. If the judge started, the Wise Woman said "Stop, she's doing her best. You are not allowed to bully her." And, the inner child a few times even spoke up and said "No. You are wrong. I am not horrible because I did this, or didnt do that." (yes, I have many different parts that I am in touch with) When I bought something, I stopped and thought if spending that money was harming myself, now or in the future. If what I was buying was good for me, nourishing to body or soul. As I felt compassion for myself..I found myself feeling compassion for others. Even letting people in ahead of me in traffic..and...even stopping for pedestrians entering the crosswalk. A rare occurrence for me, but something I am working on getting better at.
Next up was Satya- truth. As I went through my day I stopped to think many times if what my mind was telling me was true. Was I truly hungry, did I really need to eat more, was my self talk true, or was it just story- the same old story Ive told about Christine for years. And if so, is that story true still?Again, compassion reigned. Very little judgment.
Next up...well..things went a bit downhill with this one. Aparigraha- non grasping, non attachment. And all my churning was again related to money. I had had 2 pet sitting clients forget to pay me before they left town. I was feeling very anxious about money (funny, just 2 days before this I had told someone I was good for money, I had enough...because that was where my head was at the moment, I have enough. But this day, it was in lack and fear) and so, I found myself grasping at every cent. Grasping at the money I didnt have-that they hadnt paid me, but owed me, and at one point I caught myself grasping and complaining about the lack of that money...while holding onto cash from a check I had just cashed...all caught up in lack, as I held $46 in my hand. I had money. I had food at home. I had gas in my car. I *had* enough. But I was grasping at what I didnt have. With this realization, came a flood of compassion for myself. For the part of me that always feels lack and fear. Even when there is plenty.
I am learning that in order to practice all of these, we must first practice Ahimsa. And have compassion for ourselves. And remember, we dont have to get it 'right" ,we just have to do it. Over and over.
That's why they call it practice.
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